The arrival of Sophia Dawne Sitarski

If you’ve been following this blog, I think you can agree that nothing about this pregnancy has been “normal”.  Every pregnancy is different, every baby is different and every delivery is different.  Here is our labor and delivery story.  Note: I keep trying to get Bart to write his version as I’m sure it would sound quite a bit different – I’ll keep working on him.

The day I went into labor (Saturday 10/4) we went to Yorktown mall and walked around for a couple of hours.  At this point I was 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant, I was 4 cm dilated and 70% effaced, the midwives had been telling me for about 4 weeks “any day now” and I was OVER it!  I tried so hard to stay active my entire pregnancy but this was too much – I came home and took a 3 ½ hour nap to recover and was super uncomfortable.  At around 12:30am Sunday morning I started having contractions – this time they quickly became about 5 ½ minutes apart.  I woke Bart up and we timed them for awhile before calling our midwife.  We called in when they were about 4 minutes apart and our midwife asked us to head into the hospital.  The entire time I feared we were going to get all the way down there and they were going to send us home.  Bart wanted to run every red light and fly down 90, I was not quite in the same hurry.  We got to the hospital and went into triage.  Pretty quickly they told us we were going to be admitted and this was the real thing… and then we sat in triage for about 2.5 hours.

 I'm pretty sure I was putting on my work out of office in this picture.

I was so excited because my midwife Lia was on call that morning – she was leaving at 8am but was there for the beginning at least.  Ok so let’s talk labor.  How do you know when you’re in labor?  Well honestly at first it really wasn’t so bad – the contractions themselves I can totally handle – don’t get me wrong they SUCK but they’re bearable.  The part that was super uncomfortable for me was baby was “sunny side up” (so babies come out face down and turn as they are born – my baby was face up), this can cause extreme back and hip pains during labor.  We tried all different sitting, leaning, standing positions to get her to flip on her own (which she eventually did) but the pain was completely unbearable to me.  At about 6cm dilated I asked for my epidural.  I had a strong desire to make the labor room as fun as possible so I attempted to welcome everyone who came in the room “to the party” and ask random questions/jokes to try to get people to lighten up a bit.  The guy who gave me my epidural - I asked if he tested it out first to make sure it was the good stuff.  The epidural did not hurt at all – seriously that was the easiest part of the entire labor.  They also started me on pitosin (sometimes the epidural will slow down labor) and broke my water.

Once my water broke things started to take a couple of odd turns.  My baby’s heart rate stayed pretty high above the 170’s getting dangerously close to 200’s for quite awhile.  I also spiked a fever up to 103.8.  I couldn’t stop shivering but I was sooooo hot.  They explained once I got a fever that my baby would be born “corio”.  When a mom has antibiotics for a fever/infection during labor – the baby automatically has to be put on antibiotics and taken to the NICU in this case.  They didn’t want us to panic as there would be a lot of neonatal doctors in the room because of my fever.  It was time to start pushing.  How do I explain this?  Well basically they tell you to pull your legs up and out to the side, lift your head, hold your breath and make a bowel movement.  Do you know how many things that is to remember?  You’re trying to figure out what muscles to use and do all these other things… it was very hard to stay coordinated.  Of course I had to coach myself after each push – I forgot to do this, I have to do this more, next time I’ll work on this.  The midwife and nurse found this quite hysterical and reassured me I was doing a good job and needed to cut myself some slack. After about an hour and half of pushing, Carol the midwife decided things were getting a little out of her wheel house with the fever and heart rate and brought in some other doctors.  Enter Dr. McNair – picture Miranda Baley from Gray’s Anatomy.  She walks in and starts going over the potential complications of forceps as she thinks we should use them to get baby out NOW.  While we were discussing this, I had a contraction and had to push – she watched me push and said NOPE – you can get this baby out on your own, you have 3 pushes to get her out or we’re going into an emergency c section.  Oh I got that baby OUT on the third push – I’ve never pushed so hard in my entire life.

Sophia was born not breathing on her own and was limp down one side.  They quickly took her over to the “giraffe” bed and about 10 nurses and doctors went to work.  She didn’t breathe on her own for the first 3 minutes and didn’t breathe comfortably for the first 5.  I kept looking at the nurse and Bart asking why isn’t she crying… why isn’t she crying… the nurse kept reassuring me they were doing everything they could and she was in great hands.  I kept asking Bart to go over there but he couldn’t.  Finally after what seemed like forever, the nurse said “mom listen” I heard a little grunt, and then another grunt and a bit later a cry.  OMG that cry – it was music to my ears and you could literally see the doctors shoulders relax a little who were working over top of her.  They let Bart come over and take her picture – she was 9lbs and 1oz and 21 inches long.  Then they quickly whisked her away to the NICU.

While all this was going on I was completely oblivious to what was going on with me.  I remember getting really sick and throwing up and I finally turned my head from my baby to look at myself and realized it was a bit like a scene from Grays Anatomy.  I had 3 doctors working on my insides, I had nurses running around like crazy getting me another IV in my other hand and giving me constant shots in my thighs – they told me they were trying to clot my blood.  There were 4 anesthesia guys hovering over me asking random questions about my pain level – apparently they were trying to determine if they should put me under or if the epidural was sufficient.  Apparently I had hemorrhaged and lost about 2 liters of blood, they were trying to determine where the bleeding was coming from and ended up inserting a balloon into my uterus to get the bleeding to stop.   This meant that I was going to be staying in the same room (essentially a Labor ICU) and would not be going to the NICU to see my baby until the bleeding stopped.  My levels were all over the place, they couldn’t get my fever to come down and all in all I was kind of a mess.  Poor Bart – I wanted him to be with Sophia so bad and the guy was torn – wife, baby, both not doing so great.  I looked at him and said call mom NOW and tell her to get here ASAP.  I needed someone with my baby and I knew my wonderful husband would never leave my side.  My mom and Joe heard “monica is hemorrhaging” and immediately jumped in the car to drive to Chicago, leaving the oven on and power tools lying in the lawn.  It was one of those moments where I truly didn’t know what was going to happen with the way people were rushing around and the sense of urgency around both of us – as dramatic as it sounds there was a brief moment where I thought to myself “am I going to make it?  Is this serious?”

I spent 30 hours in that ICU before I could see my baby.  Bart and my parents were able to go up and see the baby in the NICU and send lots of pictures.  Bart was very clear that NOONE got to hold the baby before me.  I honestly wanted him to pick her up and snuggle her and tell her how much we love her and need her to stay strong but I appreciated that he wanted that moment for us all.  

 First time Bart met Sophia

 First time the family was all together

 First moment seeing my beautiful girl... all hooked up to machines just wanting to be held.

Finally, after 40 weeks, 5 days and 30 hours in ICU I got to hold my baby.

 When she moved from her giraffe bed to her "crib"

The orange tube is a feeding tube - this little stinker pulled it out twice!  The nurses were completely in awe of her strength!

Seeing your baby hooked up to a bunch of machines is something I don’t know any mom is ready for.  She had a ventilator, oxygen, a feeding tube, an IV with fluids and antibiotics and tons of monitors all over.  She was beautiful even with all her tubes everywhere.  We were so lucky that she came late and was big and strong and fully developed to fight everything.  In the first 48 hours she had so many tests including a spinal tap to check for meningitis, several xrays and blood draws.  Each day she was able to shed something – one day is was the ventilator then it was the oxygen then she was breathing 100% on her own.  Then the feeding tube and finally the IV.  She had to stay in the NICU for a total of 10 days to finish her antibiotics.  On the 8^th day they did tests and her levels were way down indicating it was safe for us to take her home after the 10 day treatment.  It sucked being in the NICU – going home without your baby is so hard!  We had some really good friends reach out and help us through it and the other parents in the NICU offered up encouragement.  In the end we were lucky it was 10 days – there were so many babies in there for 10 weeks!!  But for us it was rough.  We’d leave at 7:30am to get there for 9am rounds, stay all day in a tiny room with no TV, no sounds, no nothing except 1 recliner and 1 like folding chair.  Then we’d head home around 7:30pm, getting home around 8:30 and eat something then I would get up and pump every 3 hours to get enough supply to last her through the next night.  I seriously think the only thing that saved our sanity was the food that our friends brought by – I refused to leave my baby in the NICU by herself to go grocery shopping so we asked some very good friends to help out.  THANK YOU SO MUCH Tammy, Jenn, Cristie, Antoinette and the Warters for the food!

 Proud daddy!  The love that man has for his baby is one of the coolest things I've ever seen.  He's already the best dad and I can't wait to see how much this little girl continues to wrap him around her finger!

 Pose GIRL!

 Nana and Papa with the new family.

Bart's parents also came to meet Sophia in the hospital.

Mom came up to help us when we took the baby home and with not being home for 10 days, she helped so much!!  She ran a ton of errands for us and went grocery shopping and helped us with the baby.  There is a comfort level of having someone who has done it before with you as you try to figure it all out.  I cannot thank mom enough for everything she did for us!

I also need to give a huge thank you to my bestie Crissy!  Bart had a bachelor party the first weekend we were home and Crissy came and stayed with me and Sophia - she stayed up all night with us and helped us nurse and changed diapers and walked around bouncing and singing to Sophia for hours!  I wish I could have kept her for hire for the first 6 weeks of Sophia's homecoming!!! 

Having a newborn is so much harder than I could have ever imagined.  Breast feeding is so much harder than I could have ever imagined.  Having a colicky baby with reflux who has been through more in her short life than most of us go through in years is harder than I ever imagined.  I’m so lucky to have Bart at home with me – hats off to all those moms who do it on their own!  The doctors say it will take about 30 days to recoup my blood since I ended up not having a transfusion so I should be in tip top shape soon.  Every day gets a little easier and we get to know and be better parents to our sweet healthy baby girl.

Yep I'm still pregnant - 40 weeks and 3 days

So I’m 40 weeks and 3 days pregnant, I anticipated my next blog would be my birth story but I decided since I have so much time on my hands these days to post one about the last months or so.  Not many of my friends went late – I’ve actually watched quite a few go early and as everyone has their adorable bundles of joy, my bambino and I seem to just be staying put for a bit longer.

WARNING: over sharing and graphic explanations below, read at your own risk.

At 37 weeks I went in for my weekly doctor’s appointment and my wonderful midwife checked to see if I was progressing.  First let me tell you getting “checked” is not overly comfortable.  She was shocked to report that I was 3cm dilated and 10% effaced.  She said that she would be surprised if I made it to my due date and would anticipate me to go into labor in the next week.  Well this news was quite a surprise to us, we went home rechecked the hospital bag, laundered her sheets, finally put up stuff on the walls of her nursery and started the waiting process.  Oh and a something of note – when you get “checked” there is a good chance you’re going to have spotting and terrible cramps the rest of the day/night.  I felt horrible that whole night.

My 38 week appointment (notice I had not gone into labor) I went in and saw a different midwife.  She said she was not going to check me as there isn’t a whole lot she would do at this point.  That morning I woke up and felt a lot of pressure down low and the baby rolled, I brought this up to the midwife and she went and got the ultrasound machine.  Thank goodness her head was still down, or in Amy’s words “way down”.  I kept thinking if she’s been head down since 20 weeks and moves now that would be so frustrating.

At my 39 week appointment (yep still pregnant) I met the final midwife in the practice that I hadn’t met yet.  She was AWESOME!  I liked her a lot and quickly found out she’s on call Fridays and Sundays – for some reason I’ve been obsessed with figuring out the schedule of which midwife is on which days so that I’ll know going into it who will deliver the baby.  She checked me and reported I was at 3.5cm and 70% effaced, she did say she was able to “stretch” me to 4cm (yep sounds super pleasant, huh???).  She was so excited by the progress.  She did recommend a membrane sweep since I was dilated so far along to get this party started.  A membrane sweep (skip if you have a weak stomach) is where they put 2 gloved fingers inside your cervix and loosen the amniotic sac from the cervix.  This works great for some women, sends them into labor within 24-48 hours and some it does nothing.  She mentioned she was extremely aggressive with me and that I did wonderful and if I was able to go through that she thinks I go do it without an epidural (yeah right lady).  It was soooooooo painful, my legs were shaking, tears in my eyes, it was miserable.  I went home and promptly lost my mucus plug.  Really thought this was going to work for us!  This was also the time that my boss required me to begin working from home as it was a bit too risky to have me in the office.

At my 40 week appointment (so obviously the membrane sweep did not work for me) I got to see my midwife again.  After her check we were 4 cm and 80% dilated, she completed another membrane sweep.  This one didn’t hurt nearly as bad, she was a bit baffled as the baby’s head is right there and ready to go.  She cannot schedule us to be induced until 41 weeks which would be 10/7, we talked about this – I really really want to go naturally but need to balance that with what’s best for both me and baby.  She happens to be the one on call on 10/8 so I asked if we could push it back a day.  I mean I’ve been pregnant FOREVER what is one more day?  She agreed as long as I came in to see her on 10/7 for a stress test.  So we left the appointment and went home. 

At about 3:30 I started having really mild contractions, I started timing them but they were all over the board.  My contractions continued for the next 15 (YES FIFTEEN) hours.  Some were manageable and uncomfortable and some were bring me to my knees, can’t breathe bad.  People have asked what they feel like – here was my experience.  The mild ones were like 4x your worst menstrual cramp.  The bad ones I experienced so far (I hear they get worse) started in my right hip, went through my stomach with sharp cramping borderline pains and lasted about 2.5 minutes and then ended up in my back.  After hours of this we finally found a routine – my friend Ashley made me a rice heat pack, so when I was having a bad one I would have to get out of bed and stretch or walk or lean on something (I could not lay down b/c of my hip hurting so bad), as soon Bart saw this he would get up and heat up the rice pack and put it on my back right in time for when it moved to my back.  Man I can’t begin to explain the love for my husband that night.  I would try to sleep in between as they were pretty inconsistent but he couldn’t – he literally sat in bed, watched TV and waited for me to help in any way he could.  He was really awesome.  The crappy part was he had interviews the next day starting at 9am – we went back and forth on if he should go and at about 1am we made the call even if we didn’t go into labor he would be so exhausted BUT we were fully anticipating being in the hospital having a baby during that interview.  At about 4:30 am I called the midwife on call – my contractions were only 6.5 min apart but I had been having them for 13 hours and didn’t know what more I could take.  She said unfortunately they won’t admit me until they’re 4 min apart and to call back when they’re 5 min and we will come up with a plan.  Well at about 6:30 am they drastically slowed down and by 7:30 am they completely stopped.  STOPPED!  After all that time and all that pain they STOPPED!!!!!!!!  WHAT THE F?!?!?  I called back in at about 11:30 and told them what happened and they said it was perfectly normal but they fully anticipate I’ll be in within 24 hours to deliver the baby.  This is one night I will never ever forget and will also be a little extra grateful to have this husband by my side. 

So now its 4 days later – still no baby.  I’ve had more emotional moments this week than I can begin to count.  I feel anxious and worried and nervous and really really bored.  I’ll have some intense contractions and then they stop.  Bart watches over me like a hawk – not wanting to step too far away just in case.  We’ve walked around for hours, tried spicy food, other intimate things I won’t mention as I don’t want my family reading that part and nothing has happened.  At this point I’m just looking at it like I’m being induced at 10/8, that is the day and if it happens before then, great but I can’t keep hoping every day and then being so disappointed every day.  It’s an obsession – I can’t think about anything else. 

My one bit of advice for people with friends in this situation – my biggest pet peeve is when people ask me “When are you going to have this baby?”  I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW!  NOONE WANTS HER OUT MORE THAN I DO!  Great things are “how are you feeling?”  “Can I come over and entertain you for a while?”  “Want to go to dinner?”  “Want me to bring you cookies?”  All of those are wonderful calls and texts to get J.

So that’s where we stand as of now.  We can’t wait for baby’s arrival.  I can’t wait to compare the contractions I’ve been having with labor and how much worse they get.  I can’t wait to see what she looks like and what her little personality is and try to figure out how the heck to raise a child.  Can’t wait to get this party started!!!