The 4th Trimester aka Maternity Leave

So it’s my last week of maternity leave, I’m a bit emotional today, a bit in denial and a lot grateful for the time I’ve had with my daughter.  As my peanut is hanging out in her swing (one of her favorite places to be) I thought I’d jot some notes about the “4^th trimester” or “Sophie’s 1^st 3 months” or “my maternity leave”.  They say you forget, you get amnesia as to how it really is or you would never have more kids… this MUST be true.  My daughter is adorable and sweet and I could literally eat her every day and she has not been the easiest baby.  I’m extremely lucky because Bart got to stay home with us for the first 8 weeks, hats off to you moms who are home by yourself your entire maternity leave – I have NO IDEA how you do it!  Here’s to making sure we remember the first three months…

Breastfeeding – let’s start with this topic as this is the one thing that has taken over my life the last 3 months.  I had no idea what I was doing and we had a lot of issues in the beginning.  First we had to trick Sophia to latch because she was used to getting bottles in the NICU.  So we would have a syringe of breast milk and put it in the corner of her mouth to get her to latch.  (Thank you Bart for the HOURS of help with this).  Then she would latch and begin screaming and arch her back.  I went to see a Lactation Consultant at my pediatrician’s office and she recommended seeing a doctor for reflux.  She also noticed I had a very fast let down and oversupply which is probably from pumping around the clock the first 10 days when she was in the NICU to get enough to feed her.  So she recommended a kangaroo hold and side laying positions as well as a shield to help with this.  Every day I wanted to quit, I had so much anxiety feeding my baby.  I would literally stare at the clock and as it got closer to feeding her I could feel my anxiety build.  I would cry and cry as I fed her knowing we would have to start the whole process again in two hours.  I set small goals for myself, let’s see if we can make it to 4 weeks, then 6, then 8 weeks.  I can honestly say I’m SHOCKED we have made it this long and yes it did get better.  Around 7 weeks there were 2 days Sophie didn’t want to nurse and I about lost it – by this point it’s so convenient not to have to worry about bottles and formula and the price is right and I was not ready to stop.  Luckily we made it through and I’m proud to say we’re still nursing.  Now going back to work and pumping will be a different story, I’m back to setting very small goals for myself – let’s see if we can make it through week one!

Things I learned:

·       Get your partner on board and supportive

·       Get a My Breast Friend.  Boppies suck!

·       Try different latches

·       Set small goals and celebrate small wins

·       Find a lactation consultant to help if you’re having problems

·       Don’t beat yourself up if you supplement or stop

·       Don’t quit on  a bad day – wait for a good day and make a rational decision

Reflux – Sophia has acid reflux, not the throwing up everywhere kind, the heartburn kind.  We started her on Zantac at the doctor’s recommendation.  At first we were giving it to her every 12 hours and at about the 10^th hour it would stop working.  So we switched to 3x a day. Then we were giving it every 8 hours so sometimes that would be in the middle of the night – one day I asked Bart “why don’t we just give it to her when she wakes up, midday and before bed”.  She was getting the benefits in the middle of the night when it wasn’t benefiting anyone.  DUH! We also had to keep increasing her dosage as she gained weight (see all that work breastfeeding above to get that chunk).  She seems to be doing much much better with the reflux.  The next step would be a stronger medicine as she is capped at her Zantac dosage.  We’re really hoping not to have to do that as there is long term side effects with the stronger meds that we would like to avoid if at all possible. The doctor is confident that it will get much better around six months of age when her stomach is more mature and we will be able to stop all meds J.

Colic – In addition to the reflux, Sophia would just cry.  ALL.  THE.  TIME.  There were nights where she would cry for 6 hours straight – cry through feedings, cry through changings just never stop crying.  Those nights were rough.  We tried everything, going for car rides, the swing, the bouncy seat, swaddling, shushing, walking around with her swaying or bouncing or singing, bouncing on an exercise ball, football hold, laying her on her belly on our laps, I mean everything.  Different nights different things worked, some nights nothing worked but waiting it out and passing her back and forth to give each other a break.  One day we got in the car and drove around for 3 straight hours – she even slept through a feeding and I threatened Bart’s life when he asked if I wanted to stop for dinner.  She still gets fussy sometimes for no reason.  Her “witching hours” tend to be anywhere from 4:30 – 7, I have found if she naps during that time it is much more peaceful ;-). 

Mom’s group – my lactation consultant at my pediatrician’s office has a mom’s group that meets on Wednesdays.  She strongly encouraged me to go.  The first time I went I had never taken Sophia out by myself.  The benefit of having Bart home was we could do everything together; the bad part is I had zero confidence to take her out on my own.  What do you do if you’re driving and she has a meltdown?  Well… you figure it out.  So I started going to this mom’s group.  Sometimes I went and just watched and listened to the other moms, sometimes I had 10 million questions to ask, sometimes it just feels good for someone to go “ugh I remember those days they suck but it gets better”.  This group became one of my favorite parts of the week.  It gave us something to do and got us out of the house and I got solicited advice on top of it.  I used to bring a pumped bottle to feed her in the beginning and as the weeks went on, I got a nursing cover and that was the first place I felt comfortable nursing in public (with a cover of course).  I loved this group and will really miss it going back to work.

2 month shots – I made our 2 month doctor appointment will full intentions to send Bart and stay home with a glass of wine and avoid the whole situation.  Bart just happened to start his new job the exact day that these occurred.  She didn’t do all too bad getting the shots – she got 5 total vaccines, 2 shots in the left leg, one in the right and one orally.  One of the shots in the left leg had 2 vaccines in it.  I bought Tylenol just in case and headed home.  We nursed and she went down for a long nap.  I thought hey we got this, my kid is so used to being poked and prodded in the NICU we’re all good.  At about 8:30pm she woke up from her “nap” screaming bloody murder.  I thought she was starving because she hadn’t eaten in a while but when I laid her on her side to feed her she screamed louder.  I went and looked at her legs and that left leg was all red and about double the size.  Like when you slap skin and its hot red, the whole thing looked like that.  I gave her Tylenol instantly but she kept screaming.  I called into her doctor’s office fully expecting them to say no biggie, give Tylenol and all will be good.  NOPE she says I would like someone to check her out.  I’m like ok like in the morning, she says no right now, and I go ok where do I go, she says the ER.  WHAT?!?!?  THE ER?????  Apparently allergic reactions are real scary in infants.  We went to the ER right by our house and luckily it was only a surface reaction and Tylenol was all we could do and wait it out.  She seemed fine in a few hours.  Mental note – remember this at 4 month shots!

Sleeping (or lack there of) – I’ve asked a lot of opinions on sleeping – where do you put your baby, what do you dress them in, what is your bedtime routine, what time do you put them to sleep – here is what I learned… everyone is different, everyone does it different and everyone gets different results.  When Sophia was nursing every 2 hours throughout the night it was way easier to have her in the room with us.  I put her rock n play right next to the bed and we put a pack n play with a changing table in the room too so that we could change her right there and not have to wake her up too much.  My goal was to feed and get her back to sleep as fast as possible to I could try to get about 45 minutes of sleep before she woke again.  Sometimes I’d let her lay next to me in bed if she fell asleep so I’d get a little more.  I envy those who just put their baby in a crib right away and their baby sleeps there all night long.  I envy babies who magically sleep through the night.  One of these days I’m going to put my big girl panties on and put her in the crib.  I have no idea how to do this when I go back to work, I’m exhausted every day and have no idea how I will function in the real world.  People say to sleep when your baby sleeps; I’ve never been able just to fall asleep easy so I think I’ve been running on empty for 3 months.  That’s one thing about nursing, when she wakes up in the middle of the night it’s all on momma.  I can’t wait for this to get better, but I hear there is a 4 month sleep regression that takes them back to the newborn stage so I’m not getting too excited about it.

Filling the days – let’s face it, I’m not meant to be a SAHM.  I like my career and adult conversation and challenging myself in other ways.  I envy SAHMs who can be at home all day I’m just not one of them.  There are days I watched the clock and couldn’t wait until Bart got home.  When they’re this little and you’ve watched every show on Netflix or On Demand you can think of, you get a little bored.  What else can I do to entertain this baby?  We spend a lot of time smiling and laughing and making faces at each other.  This is my favorite thing to do and what I will miss the most about not seeing my baby all day every day.  We also do tummy time, play on the play mat, hang out in the swing and the bouncy, walk around in the Bjorn, rinse and repeat.  Since it’s cold and crappy I spend many days walking around Woodfield mall with the baby in the carrier.  It was good exercise but got to be a bit boring after a while.  Other than the smiling and cooing, my favorite part was watching Sophia learn new things.  Things like learning to stick out her tongue, finding her hands, grasping the oball for the first time – I’m mortified to think about all the things I’ll miss while at work.  We found a very sweet lady to watch Sophia.  I have dropped her off twice for dry runs for both me and the baby.  It gave me a day to get stuff done around the house to just some Monica time, and made me feel more confident dropping her off every day.  I’m hoping it continues to go as well as the dry runs did and that Sophia will love Cindy.

I have no idea if I’ll ever talk my husband into giving Sophia a sibling – I hope someday he forgets how tough the last three months have been so we can consider doing it all over again and if that day ever comes, I wanted this post to look back on and remember that we got through it all!  

The arrival of Sophia Dawne Sitarski

If you’ve been following this blog, I think you can agree that nothing about this pregnancy has been “normal”.  Every pregnancy is different, every baby is different and every delivery is different.  Here is our labor and delivery story.  Note: I keep trying to get Bart to write his version as I’m sure it would sound quite a bit different – I’ll keep working on him.

The day I went into labor (Saturday 10/4) we went to Yorktown mall and walked around for a couple of hours.  At this point I was 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant, I was 4 cm dilated and 70% effaced, the midwives had been telling me for about 4 weeks “any day now” and I was OVER it!  I tried so hard to stay active my entire pregnancy but this was too much – I came home and took a 3 ½ hour nap to recover and was super uncomfortable.  At around 12:30am Sunday morning I started having contractions – this time they quickly became about 5 ½ minutes apart.  I woke Bart up and we timed them for awhile before calling our midwife.  We called in when they were about 4 minutes apart and our midwife asked us to head into the hospital.  The entire time I feared we were going to get all the way down there and they were going to send us home.  Bart wanted to run every red light and fly down 90, I was not quite in the same hurry.  We got to the hospital and went into triage.  Pretty quickly they told us we were going to be admitted and this was the real thing… and then we sat in triage for about 2.5 hours.

 I'm pretty sure I was putting on my work out of office in this picture.

I was so excited because my midwife Lia was on call that morning – she was leaving at 8am but was there for the beginning at least.  Ok so let’s talk labor.  How do you know when you’re in labor?  Well honestly at first it really wasn’t so bad – the contractions themselves I can totally handle – don’t get me wrong they SUCK but they’re bearable.  The part that was super uncomfortable for me was baby was “sunny side up” (so babies come out face down and turn as they are born – my baby was face up), this can cause extreme back and hip pains during labor.  We tried all different sitting, leaning, standing positions to get her to flip on her own (which she eventually did) but the pain was completely unbearable to me.  At about 6cm dilated I asked for my epidural.  I had a strong desire to make the labor room as fun as possible so I attempted to welcome everyone who came in the room “to the party” and ask random questions/jokes to try to get people to lighten up a bit.  The guy who gave me my epidural - I asked if he tested it out first to make sure it was the good stuff.  The epidural did not hurt at all – seriously that was the easiest part of the entire labor.  They also started me on pitosin (sometimes the epidural will slow down labor) and broke my water.

Once my water broke things started to take a couple of odd turns.  My baby’s heart rate stayed pretty high above the 170’s getting dangerously close to 200’s for quite awhile.  I also spiked a fever up to 103.8.  I couldn’t stop shivering but I was sooooo hot.  They explained once I got a fever that my baby would be born “corio”.  When a mom has antibiotics for a fever/infection during labor – the baby automatically has to be put on antibiotics and taken to the NICU in this case.  They didn’t want us to panic as there would be a lot of neonatal doctors in the room because of my fever.  It was time to start pushing.  How do I explain this?  Well basically they tell you to pull your legs up and out to the side, lift your head, hold your breath and make a bowel movement.  Do you know how many things that is to remember?  You’re trying to figure out what muscles to use and do all these other things… it was very hard to stay coordinated.  Of course I had to coach myself after each push – I forgot to do this, I have to do this more, next time I’ll work on this.  The midwife and nurse found this quite hysterical and reassured me I was doing a good job and needed to cut myself some slack. After about an hour and half of pushing, Carol the midwife decided things were getting a little out of her wheel house with the fever and heart rate and brought in some other doctors.  Enter Dr. McNair – picture Miranda Baley from Gray’s Anatomy.  She walks in and starts going over the potential complications of forceps as she thinks we should use them to get baby out NOW.  While we were discussing this, I had a contraction and had to push – she watched me push and said NOPE – you can get this baby out on your own, you have 3 pushes to get her out or we’re going into an emergency c section.  Oh I got that baby OUT on the third push – I’ve never pushed so hard in my entire life.

Sophia was born not breathing on her own and was limp down one side.  They quickly took her over to the “giraffe” bed and about 10 nurses and doctors went to work.  She didn’t breathe on her own for the first 3 minutes and didn’t breathe comfortably for the first 5.  I kept looking at the nurse and Bart asking why isn’t she crying… why isn’t she crying… the nurse kept reassuring me they were doing everything they could and she was in great hands.  I kept asking Bart to go over there but he couldn’t.  Finally after what seemed like forever, the nurse said “mom listen” I heard a little grunt, and then another grunt and a bit later a cry.  OMG that cry – it was music to my ears and you could literally see the doctors shoulders relax a little who were working over top of her.  They let Bart come over and take her picture – she was 9lbs and 1oz and 21 inches long.  Then they quickly whisked her away to the NICU.

While all this was going on I was completely oblivious to what was going on with me.  I remember getting really sick and throwing up and I finally turned my head from my baby to look at myself and realized it was a bit like a scene from Grays Anatomy.  I had 3 doctors working on my insides, I had nurses running around like crazy getting me another IV in my other hand and giving me constant shots in my thighs – they told me they were trying to clot my blood.  There were 4 anesthesia guys hovering over me asking random questions about my pain level – apparently they were trying to determine if they should put me under or if the epidural was sufficient.  Apparently I had hemorrhaged and lost about 2 liters of blood, they were trying to determine where the bleeding was coming from and ended up inserting a balloon into my uterus to get the bleeding to stop.   This meant that I was going to be staying in the same room (essentially a Labor ICU) and would not be going to the NICU to see my baby until the bleeding stopped.  My levels were all over the place, they couldn’t get my fever to come down and all in all I was kind of a mess.  Poor Bart – I wanted him to be with Sophia so bad and the guy was torn – wife, baby, both not doing so great.  I looked at him and said call mom NOW and tell her to get here ASAP.  I needed someone with my baby and I knew my wonderful husband would never leave my side.  My mom and Joe heard “monica is hemorrhaging” and immediately jumped in the car to drive to Chicago, leaving the oven on and power tools lying in the lawn.  It was one of those moments where I truly didn’t know what was going to happen with the way people were rushing around and the sense of urgency around both of us – as dramatic as it sounds there was a brief moment where I thought to myself “am I going to make it?  Is this serious?”

I spent 30 hours in that ICU before I could see my baby.  Bart and my parents were able to go up and see the baby in the NICU and send lots of pictures.  Bart was very clear that NOONE got to hold the baby before me.  I honestly wanted him to pick her up and snuggle her and tell her how much we love her and need her to stay strong but I appreciated that he wanted that moment for us all.  

 First time Bart met Sophia

 First time the family was all together

 First moment seeing my beautiful girl... all hooked up to machines just wanting to be held.

Finally, after 40 weeks, 5 days and 30 hours in ICU I got to hold my baby.

 When she moved from her giraffe bed to her "crib"

The orange tube is a feeding tube - this little stinker pulled it out twice!  The nurses were completely in awe of her strength!

Seeing your baby hooked up to a bunch of machines is something I don’t know any mom is ready for.  She had a ventilator, oxygen, a feeding tube, an IV with fluids and antibiotics and tons of monitors all over.  She was beautiful even with all her tubes everywhere.  We were so lucky that she came late and was big and strong and fully developed to fight everything.  In the first 48 hours she had so many tests including a spinal tap to check for meningitis, several xrays and blood draws.  Each day she was able to shed something – one day is was the ventilator then it was the oxygen then she was breathing 100% on her own.  Then the feeding tube and finally the IV.  She had to stay in the NICU for a total of 10 days to finish her antibiotics.  On the 8^th day they did tests and her levels were way down indicating it was safe for us to take her home after the 10 day treatment.  It sucked being in the NICU – going home without your baby is so hard!  We had some really good friends reach out and help us through it and the other parents in the NICU offered up encouragement.  In the end we were lucky it was 10 days – there were so many babies in there for 10 weeks!!  But for us it was rough.  We’d leave at 7:30am to get there for 9am rounds, stay all day in a tiny room with no TV, no sounds, no nothing except 1 recliner and 1 like folding chair.  Then we’d head home around 7:30pm, getting home around 8:30 and eat something then I would get up and pump every 3 hours to get enough supply to last her through the next night.  I seriously think the only thing that saved our sanity was the food that our friends brought by – I refused to leave my baby in the NICU by herself to go grocery shopping so we asked some very good friends to help out.  THANK YOU SO MUCH Tammy, Jenn, Cristie, Antoinette and the Warters for the food!

 Proud daddy!  The love that man has for his baby is one of the coolest things I've ever seen.  He's already the best dad and I can't wait to see how much this little girl continues to wrap him around her finger!

 Pose GIRL!

 Nana and Papa with the new family.

Bart's parents also came to meet Sophia in the hospital.

Mom came up to help us when we took the baby home and with not being home for 10 days, she helped so much!!  She ran a ton of errands for us and went grocery shopping and helped us with the baby.  There is a comfort level of having someone who has done it before with you as you try to figure it all out.  I cannot thank mom enough for everything she did for us!

I also need to give a huge thank you to my bestie Crissy!  Bart had a bachelor party the first weekend we were home and Crissy came and stayed with me and Sophia - she stayed up all night with us and helped us nurse and changed diapers and walked around bouncing and singing to Sophia for hours!  I wish I could have kept her for hire for the first 6 weeks of Sophia's homecoming!!! 

Having a newborn is so much harder than I could have ever imagined.  Breast feeding is so much harder than I could have ever imagined.  Having a colicky baby with reflux who has been through more in her short life than most of us go through in years is harder than I ever imagined.  I’m so lucky to have Bart at home with me – hats off to all those moms who do it on their own!  The doctors say it will take about 30 days to recoup my blood since I ended up not having a transfusion so I should be in tip top shape soon.  Every day gets a little easier and we get to know and be better parents to our sweet healthy baby girl.

Yep I'm still pregnant - 40 weeks and 3 days

So I’m 40 weeks and 3 days pregnant, I anticipated my next blog would be my birth story but I decided since I have so much time on my hands these days to post one about the last months or so.  Not many of my friends went late – I’ve actually watched quite a few go early and as everyone has their adorable bundles of joy, my bambino and I seem to just be staying put for a bit longer.

WARNING: over sharing and graphic explanations below, read at your own risk.

At 37 weeks I went in for my weekly doctor’s appointment and my wonderful midwife checked to see if I was progressing.  First let me tell you getting “checked” is not overly comfortable.  She was shocked to report that I was 3cm dilated and 10% effaced.  She said that she would be surprised if I made it to my due date and would anticipate me to go into labor in the next week.  Well this news was quite a surprise to us, we went home rechecked the hospital bag, laundered her sheets, finally put up stuff on the walls of her nursery and started the waiting process.  Oh and a something of note – when you get “checked” there is a good chance you’re going to have spotting and terrible cramps the rest of the day/night.  I felt horrible that whole night.

My 38 week appointment (notice I had not gone into labor) I went in and saw a different midwife.  She said she was not going to check me as there isn’t a whole lot she would do at this point.  That morning I woke up and felt a lot of pressure down low and the baby rolled, I brought this up to the midwife and she went and got the ultrasound machine.  Thank goodness her head was still down, or in Amy’s words “way down”.  I kept thinking if she’s been head down since 20 weeks and moves now that would be so frustrating.

At my 39 week appointment (yep still pregnant) I met the final midwife in the practice that I hadn’t met yet.  She was AWESOME!  I liked her a lot and quickly found out she’s on call Fridays and Sundays – for some reason I’ve been obsessed with figuring out the schedule of which midwife is on which days so that I’ll know going into it who will deliver the baby.  She checked me and reported I was at 3.5cm and 70% effaced, she did say she was able to “stretch” me to 4cm (yep sounds super pleasant, huh???).  She was so excited by the progress.  She did recommend a membrane sweep since I was dilated so far along to get this party started.  A membrane sweep (skip if you have a weak stomach) is where they put 2 gloved fingers inside your cervix and loosen the amniotic sac from the cervix.  This works great for some women, sends them into labor within 24-48 hours and some it does nothing.  She mentioned she was extremely aggressive with me and that I did wonderful and if I was able to go through that she thinks I go do it without an epidural (yeah right lady).  It was soooooooo painful, my legs were shaking, tears in my eyes, it was miserable.  I went home and promptly lost my mucus plug.  Really thought this was going to work for us!  This was also the time that my boss required me to begin working from home as it was a bit too risky to have me in the office.

At my 40 week appointment (so obviously the membrane sweep did not work for me) I got to see my midwife again.  After her check we were 4 cm and 80% dilated, she completed another membrane sweep.  This one didn’t hurt nearly as bad, she was a bit baffled as the baby’s head is right there and ready to go.  She cannot schedule us to be induced until 41 weeks which would be 10/7, we talked about this – I really really want to go naturally but need to balance that with what’s best for both me and baby.  She happens to be the one on call on 10/8 so I asked if we could push it back a day.  I mean I’ve been pregnant FOREVER what is one more day?  She agreed as long as I came in to see her on 10/7 for a stress test.  So we left the appointment and went home. 

At about 3:30 I started having really mild contractions, I started timing them but they were all over the board.  My contractions continued for the next 15 (YES FIFTEEN) hours.  Some were manageable and uncomfortable and some were bring me to my knees, can’t breathe bad.  People have asked what they feel like – here was my experience.  The mild ones were like 4x your worst menstrual cramp.  The bad ones I experienced so far (I hear they get worse) started in my right hip, went through my stomach with sharp cramping borderline pains and lasted about 2.5 minutes and then ended up in my back.  After hours of this we finally found a routine – my friend Ashley made me a rice heat pack, so when I was having a bad one I would have to get out of bed and stretch or walk or lean on something (I could not lay down b/c of my hip hurting so bad), as soon Bart saw this he would get up and heat up the rice pack and put it on my back right in time for when it moved to my back.  Man I can’t begin to explain the love for my husband that night.  I would try to sleep in between as they were pretty inconsistent but he couldn’t – he literally sat in bed, watched TV and waited for me to help in any way he could.  He was really awesome.  The crappy part was he had interviews the next day starting at 9am – we went back and forth on if he should go and at about 1am we made the call even if we didn’t go into labor he would be so exhausted BUT we were fully anticipating being in the hospital having a baby during that interview.  At about 4:30 am I called the midwife on call – my contractions were only 6.5 min apart but I had been having them for 13 hours and didn’t know what more I could take.  She said unfortunately they won’t admit me until they’re 4 min apart and to call back when they’re 5 min and we will come up with a plan.  Well at about 6:30 am they drastically slowed down and by 7:30 am they completely stopped.  STOPPED!  After all that time and all that pain they STOPPED!!!!!!!!  WHAT THE F?!?!?  I called back in at about 11:30 and told them what happened and they said it was perfectly normal but they fully anticipate I’ll be in within 24 hours to deliver the baby.  This is one night I will never ever forget and will also be a little extra grateful to have this husband by my side. 

So now its 4 days later – still no baby.  I’ve had more emotional moments this week than I can begin to count.  I feel anxious and worried and nervous and really really bored.  I’ll have some intense contractions and then they stop.  Bart watches over me like a hawk – not wanting to step too far away just in case.  We’ve walked around for hours, tried spicy food, other intimate things I won’t mention as I don’t want my family reading that part and nothing has happened.  At this point I’m just looking at it like I’m being induced at 10/8, that is the day and if it happens before then, great but I can’t keep hoping every day and then being so disappointed every day.  It’s an obsession – I can’t think about anything else. 

My one bit of advice for people with friends in this situation – my biggest pet peeve is when people ask me “When are you going to have this baby?”  I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW!  NOONE WANTS HER OUT MORE THAN I DO!  Great things are “how are you feeling?”  “Can I come over and entertain you for a while?”  “Want to go to dinner?”  “Want me to bring you cookies?”  All of those are wonderful calls and texts to get J.

So that’s where we stand as of now.  We can’t wait for baby’s arrival.  I can’t wait to compare the contractions I’ve been having with labor and how much worse they get.  I can’t wait to see what she looks like and what her little personality is and try to figure out how the heck to raise a child.  Can’t wait to get this party started!!!

My friend's advice: What do you really need with a baby?

Recently I was asked by an expecting friend my thoughts on what you REALLY need when you have a baby.  Between space and money there is a lot of reasons not to get everything you hear.  Now, I have not actually had my baby yet and/or used any of this stuff so this is purely me passing along what I've learned from my wonderful mommy friends.  I'm sure someday when I have time again I will post a whole new blog on my personal experiences with each of these... but wanted to pass along in hopes it could help someone :-).

Remember - your friends will give you a ton of advice, all of what worked for them.  My advice - listen to it, learn from it and remember YOUR baby is not going to be like anyone else's and you're going to have to figure out what works for you.  

Registry: I put a ton of stuff on my registry and if I determined I didn’t need it, took it back and got something I really needed.  Most places will give you a 10%, 15% or 20% coupon (Target’s is 15%) to purchase anything left on your registry after the baby is born (so put anything you may need for like a year, you can always buy later).  

Saving $$: (note: this is something I'm just getting used to - I will post more when I learn the secrets) Start clipping coupons now – if you ever go to a babies R us or a buy buy baby, they take each other’s coupons. At Target, sign up for the Cartwheel app ASAP if you don’t have it already.  Ask your family to clip coupons out of their newspapers too!  This crap is EXPENSIVE and every single dollar helps!  For diapers, price it out per diaper – so many places offer boxes in different sizes and $ amounts that sound like such a great deal – but when you break it down to the per diaper price it’s not as good of a deal. 

My thoughts on what you need:

·        Crib, mattress, mattress pad cover, fitted sheets – baby will sleep in this when you determine as a parent, some people put in right away  and some wait.  I got the advice to get multiple mattress pad covers and fitted sheets - when kiddos pukes in the middle of the night, it's nice to have a clean pair ready to go!  Bumpers are now illegal in Illinois and every baby class I've taken says not to use them.  NOTHING should go in the crib but the baby.

·        Rock n Play – every single person I know says this is a LIFE SAVER – this is where your baby will sleep, nap, do everything the first few weeks, there are lots of versions.  I got mine as a hand me down from a friend - ask around!  I guess there is a new version that is flat and not reclined that one of our classes recommended.

·        Rocking chair / Swivel Rocker – some place to rock the baby to sleep and read books, if you’re going to nurse you can do it here, etc.

·        Dresser w/ Changing pad – I’m a big believer in not having a changing table I think they’re a HUGE waste.  Get a dresser for your baby and put a changing pad on top of it (here is an example of a picture on Pinterest of what I’m referring to).  My friends recommend getting at least 2 changing pad covers b/c if they explode diarrhea, you want one you can immediately change it to while you wash it.  I also got a 3 pack of pads that go on top to help catch some of the mess, they are washable too.

·        Diaper bag – you can use pretty much anything – if you plan on using a stroller make sure it hooks  onto a stroller.  The trendy ones right now are skip hop, they come in tons of colors but literally every one of my friends has this diaper bag.

·        Infant Car Seat and Stroller – here is the deal, there is an infant car seat the baby can stay in up to x lbs., these are nice b/c you take them out of the car with the baby still in it sleeping peacefully and then you have your little kid car seat that you don’t take out of the car.  We decided to get an Infant Car seat and stroller combo b/c it was cheaper and all connected and then bought an extra base. This is the one we got, you can get them cheaper/more expensive we didn’t do a ton of research we wanted one that was easy to use and strolled smoothly – mission accomplished J

·        Monitor – some people prefer video, some just the noise, we got a video one so I can look to see if she’s really awake or just grunting.

·        Baby bath tub, wash clothes and hooded towels.  For what kind of soap to use – we have Johnson + Johnson Naturals and Aveno to try that we got as gifts, I wouldn't stock up on this until you figure out how the baby's skin reacts.

·        Thermometer, nail clippers, emery boards, brush, comb, butt cream

·        Bibs, onesies, burp cloths – have the people at your shower do a decorate a bib or onesie, it’s a fun way to get a bunch of cute ones.  

·        Socks, hats, booties

·        Diapers Diapers Diapers – my friends ALL use Pamper Swaddlers, they have a stripe on them that turns colors when they’re wet.  I’ve also heard that as soon as you don’t really need that stripe, get the Target generic as they are the best generic and are way cheaper.  Look for coupons!  If you don’t already have the Target Cartwheel app, download it now! Go on pampers.com and sign up for their rewards plan and get their coupons.  Never pay full price for diapers.  I’ve heard they’re in NB for about 2 weeks, Size 1 about a month and then Size 2 a bit longer so keep that in mind when you’re getting diapers.  I’ve also heard a little big on them is way better than too small.  If you have a SAMS club membership, I’ve heard theirs are the cheapest.

·        Fragrant Free laundry detergent – Dreft is really popular, I’m using Tide Free and Clear… it’s the same but cheaper.  Also I didn’t know this but don’t use dryer sheets when you dry baby clothes.

·        Bottles – I’m going to try to use madela brand b/c that is what my breast pump uses so kill 2 birds one stone – I also got Dr. Brown’s which I heard are a pain b/c they have tons of parts.  If you ever go to a Motherhood maternity they will give you some samples.  Don't get a ton until you figure out what baby will like.

·        Binkies – this is another opinion heavy thing – get a couple different ones and see what baby wants, I’ve heard good things about MAM, Avent and Nuk but again don’t buy too many until you know what baby likes.

·        Baby hangers – believe it or not those little clothes don’t fit on normal hangers J

I didn't mention much about clothes... I got soooo many clothes having a girl.  I heard you get more when you have a girl vs. boy.  Get hand me downs whenever possible - save you money for when they will wear it more than a couple times.  Keep in mind newborn sizes only go to like 8lbs so don't get a ton of nb, go more for 0-3 months.  Also if you get multiples as gifts - exchange for a bigger size.  Keep in mind seasons too - in 6 months will it be winter or summer?  I got some pj's with zippers - they're harder to find but trying to snap those snaps at 4am sounds miserable.

Nice to haves:

·        Diaper pail – I found one that takes regular tall garbage bags – watch for that, the refill bags on some are pretty expensive!

·        Night light – my friends have told me 2 reasons for this, to go in and change a diaper without turning on the overhead light AND to keep the baby entertained to fall asleep.  My friend swears by this one they make boy versions too.

·        Sound machine – people say to get one for the room and one to travel, anything to give the baby white noise.  I got this one to travel with.

·        Here are my thoughts on the pack and play – if you’re traveling a lot or have a 2 story house, I get how they can be beneficial – see if you can get a hand me down one (that’s what we are going to do) because I really don’t think we will use it.

·        Swing – some babies love the swing and some don’t – this is the hard part, if you have the room and can get one have it around just in case you cannot calm baby and it happens to work (we got this one as a hand me down from a friend)

·        Baby gym – provides entertainment.  We had a target GC so we got one - also some come with a little half moon pillow and mirror for tummy time, I hear this is a hit.

·        Aden + Anais receiving blankets – everyone says these are the bees knees of receiving blankets

·        Swaddle blankets or Miracle blankets – you can do this with a receiving blanket too – another thing I registered for and if we got, cool if we didn’t no biggie

·        Since my baby will be so little in the winter, my friends recommended a car seat cover, some people just use blankets which I’m sure works the exact same but I registered for one and if we got it great, if we didn’t I would have used a blanket  

Sophie the Giraffe – every kid I know loves this thing

·        Take along tunes – this was recommended for car rides

·        Disposable Diaper Sacks – this is for the diaper bag so if you’re at a friend’s house you can put the diaper in these and not totally stink up their garbage.

For Mommy: 

·        Long thick pads (yep like the ones you wore when you were little) – apparently there is a lot of blood

·        Granny Panties – to hold the big pads and you don’t care about ruining

·        Tucks medicated cooling pads – for the hemorrhoids

·        Dermoplast First Aid Spray – this will help your hooha heal faster and hurt less (make sure it’s the blue kind)

I'm sure I'm missing a ton of stuff.  I also didn't include any breastfeeding things but I will give some tips once I actually attempt it.  Hope this list helps :-)

Happy baby shopping - USE COUPONS!!!!!!!!!!!!